The Debut of a New Me

“The strongest actions for a woman is to love herself, be herself, and shine amongst those who never believed she could.”

— Author Unknown.
Since I was 10 years old, I’ve always kept a diary. I loved writing in them and I would spend hours trying to craft the perfect descriptions to what was happening in order to encapsulate those moments forever. I was able to articulate my emotions and reactions to the things happening around me, I was able to imagine and grow through these books.
As I got older, primarily around 16, I stopped writing as much. It’s the same phenomenon that happens to everyone- life gets in the way. The phrase holds a lot of irony and yet a lot of understanding for a sentence that only has five words.  When someone reaches out to you for the first time in what feels like forever, there’s always an initial surprise factor that hits, or at least, that’s how it is in my case. My first thought always goes to, “what do they need? What are they looking for?” as they try to initiate casual small talk. I have come to find that it no matter who the person is, whether they be an ex, friend, or family member this thought is my initial reaction regardless of how things transpired between us.  This is not to say that this initial reaction is negative because the thing they may be in search for may not be negative. It could be something simple like they wanted a conversation, a friend, or just something they can’t quite put their finger on. Usually at some point of the conversation an apology on either my end or theirs comes for the lack of communication. More often then not, it’s that wretched phrase or a variation of it-
 “Life just gets in the way.
The reality that yes time does get in the way, but time itself is a manmade concept. So what gets in the way then? Obviously there are things in life that come before a simple conversation like jobs, families, etc. A better way to phrase that would be, “My Priorities changed.” or “I’ve had a lot of things happening.” or “I simply lost track of things.” 
Regardless, we use this phrase to often to justify not pursuing your passions. I used this excuse a lot. I didn’t have time to do self-care, I had homework to do. I didn’t have time to write, I had to clean. I didn’t have time. I pictured myself like a hand and time as sand. Every time I tried to “grab” more, not only would I be unsuccessful but I would lose time on other projects I already had because I was so consumed with my schedule. This would cause a moment of panic, and I wouldn’t be able to accomplish anything at the level I was capable of. It was rushed. I was doing good, but not the best I could. Does this cycle sound familiar? A lot of people can categorize this nonstop anxiety inducing cycle as burnout.
Burnout (verb)-
to cause to fail, wear out, or become exhausted especially from overwork or overuse.

I was lucky enough to be able to recognize this in myself before it got out of hand, but nevertheless it was still very difficult to break or even take seriously. I’m only finished my first year of college, if I couldn’t handle that stress how can I handle the rest of life?
It was then that I had my realization, an epitome if you will.
I’m young and just getting started. If I take a minute, in the middle of chaos, to check in on myself, I can avoid this pain and avoid burnout.
I can be my best self and thrive at my work, home, and all aspects of life if I just take a minute for myself…
Wait how do I do that again?
Anything done at this point is better than that phrase, but the best thing we can is reevaluate what is most important to you. Are you happy with yourself? Your Relationships? Your Work? Are you making time for yourself? What does that consist of?
For me, that is writing, listening to music, socializing while also setting some time away for myself. That’s what I’m doing now. I’m 19, about to be 20, and I want to invest in myself to be my best self.

The Author, formerly aimless now determined


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